The Diary of a Despairing . . . I Mean, Aspiring Author: Day 1

Recently, I started writing my first book entitled: How I Killed Nietzsche and Became the New Übermensch.  These are the chronicles of my journey through this intense project . . .

Day 1:  Finally, after months of research, countless hours writing and rewriting the outline, and a healthy dose of daydreaming, I’ve actually started to bring this project to life.  At this point, I’ve nearly completed the first chapter and plan to share this with a couple of close friends to get some feedback.  The process of preparing for and writing this book has literally pushed me to the edge of insanity.  Namely, because I’ve had to crawl inside both the mind of a young man wallowing in despair and self-loathing and inside the terrifying mind of insanity itself: Nietzsche.  One night, after spending hours reading through Human, All Too Human, Twilight of the Idols, The Anti-Christ, and Will to Power, I began to feel light headed and dizzy.  It seemed as if the world around me was fading into the background and I began to feel numb inside.  Granted, this could have been because I was up way past my bedtime and had been reading for many hours.  But, I believe something more than mere fatigue was ailing me.  I had just spent hours of my life absorbing page after page of hateful, venomous, intellectual posturing and scornful destain.  In many ways I began to identify with the character of the young man I had been creating in my head.  One can only bear so much nihilism before he begins to cave in and lose the feeling of joy in life.  Eventually, I had to put the books down and step away.  I was feeling depressed and empty and I needed something to lift up my soul.  So, being the nerd that I am, I picked up a copy of Pope John Paul the Second’s master work: A Theology of the Body.  Slowly my sanity returned, as did my sense of feeling, and I soon drifted into a peaceful sleep.

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4 thoughts on “The Diary of a Despairing . . . I Mean, Aspiring Author: Day 1

  1. The despair with which he writes is one of the main reasons I haven’t read more of Nietzsche. It is impossible to imbibe that much negativity without it having a lasting impact on the human soul. Be careful, brother, and thank you for the work you are doing.

  2. A few weeks ago I reread line 125 of Gay Science, my insides turned and had to shut down my intellectual operations for about a week. Nietzsche does not only tell of despair, he makes you feel it in the utmost. My prayer for you is ironically from Nietzsche, “Beware when dealing with monsters lest you become one; beware when you stare at the abyss for the abyss stares back at you.” Praying for you brother.

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